let's hit the road, on saturday.

My mind started racing the second I laid down to sleep about an hour ago. I then began breathing heavy and having a mini panic attack. I attempted to calm myself and wipe my eyes, then walking a few feet to the bathroom to grab a glass of water. It's scary.

I guess you're wondering what in the world was I freaking out about? School. School? Now that I think about it it doesn't sound so bad. It's the extra stuff that comes along with it that's going to be the hard. It's scary.

Questions are zooming through my head like cars on the interstate:
What if I don't fit in?
What if I'm not smart enough?
What if I get there and I suck at volleyball and the other girls laugh?
What if I get homesick?

These were only a handful of the questions that were strewn across the big round table in my mind.

But I can't let all of those "what if's" ruin the amount of excitement and happiness. I've wanted to do this my entire life. I'm not even kidding, since I was eleven years old, every time we would pass the school I'd look up at the large, beautiful, brick buildings and say "Grandmommy, that's where I want to go to school." Cliche and lame, I know. But it's the truth.

Spending my last few days of summer with my friends have made me realize how much I'm going to miss them. And what sucks is that I've just recently recovered a friendship with someone who has meant a lot to me for a long time. And now I've got to leave. It doesn't seem fair. Yeah, yeah, I'll be able to come back. But it won't be the same. I won't get to see them everyday, or call them up and say "Hey! Wanna hang?" I guess I didn't realize until now how big of a change this is going to be and how it's going to affect my life. It's scary.

Leaving my dad is probably going to be the hardest out of everything. He's been there for me through thick and thin. Even though we don't get along all of the time, he's still number one. He has acted as my father and my mother for as long as I can remember. He was my best friend for so long and I love him more than anyone or anything. Knowing he won't be right across the house if I need him puts a knot in my stomach. It's scary.

Wanna know another thing that's scary to think about? This is my last-first day of school. Well, not including college. I've got to go into my last year of high school not knowing virtually anyone. I'm going to be alone. And it's scary.