Overwhelmed.

Everything is becoming too much for me to handle.

I'm not a happy person and I sure as hell can't keep pretending like I am.

It's like one thing after another. I can't live with anyone because I'm too picky and too clean. I'm a bitch to my boyfriend because I get bored after a while. I feel like I'm the red-headed stepchild of my family. No offense to my ginger boyfriend, of course. I'm tired of school because I feel forced to do it and do it well.

I'm in one of those ruts where you just want to lay around all day and do nothing. And what have I done today? Just that.

I'm a depressed mess. I have the urge to cry twenty four hours of every day of the week. And it's annoying.

I'm tired of being a bitch to my boyfriend. I'm tired of constantly being annoyed by every little thing he does. I'm tired of things not working.

And I'd like to be able to say "I wish it could all go back to how it was when I used to be happy" but it just doesn't work like that because, in reality, I can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy.

Everyone says "you should talk to someone". But what are they going to do say "And how does that make you feel?" and prescribe me some crazy pills? Well, it makes me feel like shit and I don't want crazy pills because I don't want to be another statistic- like my mother.

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!

I can't get away from any of this. And what's even worse, is when I'm by myself, all I do is think about all of this. I sit and I think about how miserable I am. Which, of course, makes me even more miserable.

I need a fix to this. And I need it fast. I can't keep living like this- if you can even call what I'm doing living at all.