Overwhelmed.

Everything is becoming too much for me to handle.

I'm not a happy person and I sure as hell can't keep pretending like I am.

It's like one thing after another. I can't live with anyone because I'm too picky and too clean. I'm a bitch to my boyfriend because I get bored after a while. I feel like I'm the red-headed stepchild of my family. No offense to my ginger boyfriend, of course. I'm tired of school because I feel forced to do it and do it well.

I'm in one of those ruts where you just want to lay around all day and do nothing. And what have I done today? Just that.

I'm a depressed mess. I have the urge to cry twenty four hours of every day of the week. And it's annoying.

I'm tired of being a bitch to my boyfriend. I'm tired of constantly being annoyed by every little thing he does. I'm tired of things not working.

And I'd like to be able to say "I wish it could all go back to how it was when I used to be happy" but it just doesn't work like that because, in reality, I can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy.

Everyone says "you should talk to someone". But what are they going to do say "And how does that make you feel?" and prescribe me some crazy pills? Well, it makes me feel like shit and I don't want crazy pills because I don't want to be another statistic- like my mother.

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!

I can't get away from any of this. And what's even worse, is when I'm by myself, all I do is think about all of this. I sit and I think about how miserable I am. Which, of course, makes me even more miserable.

I need a fix to this. And I need it fast. I can't keep living like this- if you can even call what I'm doing living at all.

Guess what that's a picture of?

....where my wonderful boyfriend and I get to go for a whole week..ALL INCLUSIVE. That's right, you heard me.

Speaking of, I need to get my passport stuff done. Tomorrow, maybe.

I have never been so excited. It's only a few weeks away...we need to get all of the details done by this week.

Anyway, life hasn't gotten any easier. I just wanted to share with you all that in about four weeks, my life will be a little bit like heaven. Except I have to leave my poor Toby behind. ): He's going to hate us.

A new life.

My life has done a complete 180 degree twist.

To start, I'm in college now. I'm practically a Junior and my first semester was only a year ago. I've done two years...in one. It's been hard and in the process I made my first F (in PreCalculus, in my defense).

I have a wonderful job, that is going to benefit me greatly in the long run. Although, at the moment I am not working. I go back in the Fall Semester....until then, I have about five dollars to my name. Which brings me to this...

I have met the love of my life here at North Georgia. I would have never ever in my entire life guessed that I would meet the man I want to marry (who, may I add is in the Army). He is everything I could have ever dreamed of in a man. He's funny, sweet (sometimes), and knows how to make me happy. However, we do have out fights (and plenty of them!) but I wouldn't change anything about him or our relationship. He's my other half. And my financial supporter ;)



To add onto my wonderful relationship, we have a child. Not a human child, no. A sweet, four legged canine child. His name is Tobicious T-Bone Shedd, or Toby for short. He is the highlight of our lives. He gives us good-morning kisses when we wake up, and cuddles up next to our feet when we go to sleep at night. He's the most perfect pet I have ever had.


Speaking of our little love child, we had one of the biggest scares we, as a couple, have encountered together. Our little, sweet boy got very sick. And the Vet told us that it was very, very life threatening. HOLD ON! He's fine, now. He's on antibiotics and a heavy dosage of lovins'.

I have two new roommates. We live in an awesome townhouse with huge closets and our own bathrooms. They have a puppy, too- Baloo. He's a little spastic, but he just got neutered so I think that will settle down a bit. Alice and Justin just got married last weekend (they're the roommates...). I was a bridesmaid for Alice. It ended up being the most wonderful wedding, under the circumstances that I will not go into now. And I, got piss-faced drunk. I was so happy for Alice and Justin, and they knew it, I just really needed a few sips of Champagne.

So, my life seems a lot different than it was a year ago, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It may be chaotic, and a little disorganized and frazzled, but it's my life. My wonderful, romance-filled life.